The Onion: Owls Are Assholes Unisex T-shirt, Sweatshirt, Hoodie, Long Sleeve Tee

Statement Apparel – Premium Quality, Printed on Demand

Some clothes you wear. This one wears confidence for you. DTG-printed on buttery-soft Gildan® blanks – the kind of quality you feel the second you put it on.

📸 The image shows a T-Shirt preview, but this design is ready on T-Shirt, Long Sleeve, Sweatshirt & Hoodie. Select your variant and we’ll craft it to order.

What Makes It Hit Different

• 🎨 Looks Fresh, Stays Fresh – High-res DTG printing captures every detail. Machine-wash friendly.
• 🧵 Fabric That Delivers – Gildan® Ultra Cotton & Heavy Blend. Soft, durable, certified low-impact dyes.
• 👕 Your New Daily Driver – Relaxed classic fit with reinforced seams. Tear-away tag = no more neck itch.
• 🇺🇸 Sustainably Sourced – US Cotton Trust Protocol. From farm to fabric – responsible at every step.

Material Details

• Cotton Tees & Long Sleeves: 100% US cotton at 5.3–6 oz – naturally soft and breathable.
• Crewneck & Hoodie: 50/50 blend at 8 oz – pill-resistant fleece with spandex ribbing.
• Note: Sport Grey contains a 90/10 cotton/poly blend for color consistency.

Size & Color Options

Not sure about sizing? Check our charts below:

1. Find your color in the chart above.
2. Match your measurements to the size guide.
3. Add to cart and check out securely.

Shipping & Delivery

• ✅ Production: 1–3 business days.
• 📦 USA Standard: 3–7 business days.
• ⚡ USA Rush: 3–5 business days.
• 🌍 International: 1–2 weeks.

This is a made-to-order product. Please confirm your size with the chart above. We don’t offer exchanges for wrong sizes, but our team is happy to assist with any concerns.

🛒 Discover more at HappyPodTees.com – where great design meets great quality.